Entry 018: Absence makes the heart grow cranky
Day 107
I felt that I had left Partan much too soon.
Well, left too abruptly. “Left” being a figure of speech; I was still in orbit. I barely spent any time with the other friends I made; Milos, Kral and a few others. I wanted to get to know General Nazar a bit better, and leave on more favorable terms. I wanted to oversee the various races living in that small cluster of forgotten worlds and make sure they had good relations. That the Vy’keen kept to their word, though that was a small worry.
And naturally, I wanted to spend more time with Yila, though that would have been the end of my Quest. Of that, I had no doubt. I would have given up everything for that girl. I was in real agony, feeling as if I had left a piece of my heart behind, and that was wrong as wrong could be. And… damn me to Hell, I loved it, every minute of my infidelity, even as it sickened me.
I really did it this time. Everyone has flaws, something wrong with them. But mine was really bad because it affected others, and I was too selfish about it to care. Damn it, damn it… damn it to Hell… what the hell was wrong with me! I knew better than to give in to that kind of temptation. Or I thought I did, but… clearly not. It was just… she was just…
Poor Yila. I had no business toying with such a precious girl’s heart like that. Ruining her life like that. Dragging her into my sin. But she was just perfect for me. And somehow, I made her feel the same about me. Dreams of our life together still haunt me, how wonderful it would all be with her by my side.
And Seri. I caught myself resenting her in irrational moments, for pushing herself on me like she did. Being the Nijol in her own way and forcing the issue, and making me give in to her desires. But that was stupid of me. She had been rescued from a dreadful life, little more than a plaything to a bunch of monsters. She had nowhere to go, and naturally she fell for the brave young rescuer. Perhaps handsome, different enough from her Vy’keen enslavers that I was appealing to her. What else would she do? What else would I do?
And she really was a sweet, wonderful girl. She had her issues, was a brat on occasion, but mostly kind, loving, devoted. Beautiful, deliciously exotic and… she sure knew how to please me.
And she was my wife! A treasure to my heart, until I found myself alone with another cute young thing, and then Seri was yesterday’s news. Our relationship didn’t matter anymore. She didn’t matter. Only my craven lusts mattered. And Adjaha, that precious Dragon girl who was at once profoundly wise and naive, and much too pretty, with the form of a past lover… how long would it be before I got stupid notions about her and tried to seduce her, for real? And would she resist?
And… I ran out of ands. It all came back to me. I was responsible for this disaster.
Stop sinning!
That was the truly frustrating part. Why in the name of Heaven was I such a louse! Every girl that came along that was the least bit appealing would catch my eye. I spent time with them, flirted with them, and my mind would toy with notions, my heart with desire. It sure seemed that way. Could I control my libido at all?
In my previous existence, in that other universe I must have come from, had I left a trail of broken hearts through the solar system? Had Elizabeth meant all that much to me? Or was she little more than a trophy on the way to completing a subversive job? As a soul, did I have any value at all to Providence? If my own thoughts damned me…
“Friend Nijal, are you having some difficulty?”
That jarred me out of my dark stupor. Partan ground control made a rare call, as I sat in space above their planet, having departed but not leaving. Still sitting listlessly in space above that precious world, where a precious treasure lived.
“No, I’m just… deciding on a course of action,” I replied, trying not to sound hollow.
“Ah. Pardon the intrusion. We just wanted to be sure of our hero.”
Hero… but what hero was little more than a reprobate louse? I had to stop thinking like that… stop thinking of that, or I would drive myself crazy.
I was in a bleak mood for a while. Lost, unsure of where to go, or what to do, or… why. Was I really getting anywhere in a Quest which seemed impossible? If this wasn’t a fool’s errand, I didn’t know what was.
But I had to go. Leave, or go back, back to her, and I had just enough sense to know I couldn’t. I cried a little more as I gave Partan one last look, perhaps the last I would ever see of it. And her.
Farewell, my beloved puppy cat.
I felt like I was dreaming as I absently sifted through my records, notes and Galactic Map for likely prospects, barely giving them any conscious attention. Fortunately, I had the faculties to keep Partan’s secrecy in mind and jumped at maximum range to other uninhabited systems before wandering back into more active, traveled regions far from that singular, unknown part of Euclid. I prayed that the Vy’keen would be remotely as discreet, and maybe the Sage’s dire warnings would keep them in check.
I can’t recall the name of the system I finally selected to restart my Quest, and couldn’t be bothered at the moment to check, that’s how bad off I was. It was one more system with a handful of worlds, with a station populated with a few of the Three Races going about their mundane tasks, much as they had for centuries, along with a Traveler I didn’t want to meet. I half expected to encounter some new race there, having grown used to seeing them in great numbers back there. But then, if there were any other races nearby, the Gek reliving their glory days of the First Spawn would no doubt be raiding those planets for more slaves. If only I could know that those monsters had been stopped for good, but from what I glimpsed of those scavenged records, the Gek were vague about any links to other systems than the three they had conquered. And I couldn’t share this with any random Vy’keen, revealing the systems where my friends lived, for fear they would be taken advantage of by warriors who didn’t have a Sage’s curse to restrain them. Besides, those worlds were now free of Gek raiders. The First Spawn wannabees were entrenched somewhere else in Euclid, prehaps thousands of light years away dominating other forgotten worlds.
And that sparked a thought I hadn’t considered: should my Quest change to stopping these outlaw marauders? Who knew whether they might not be forming a force even remotely as dangerous as the actual First Spawn? But I had no real capacity to conduct that sort of investigation, or didn’t think so, outside of a stroke of Fate or sheer dumb luck leading me on the trail of that dark syndicate. However, I knew of a few friends who might, one in particular.
After pulsing far from the station and any planets - it might make a difference - I readied a quick message to Tesky, and attached the files I had taken from the Gek bases and that rogue Space Station. I noticed several messages, a number of them from Seri, urging my response or moping about how lonely life was without me. I now regretted setting up that account for her on the Infineon. I couldn’t bring myself to check so much as one of them, and that brought back some painful emotions just as I was beginning to get over them. When would I be able to face her without shame? Anyhow, I had a message to send, and heavily encrypted.
quertyuio@DSC9-infineonII
Hey, I could use your help. This is something which is as secret and sensitive as your own existence, so please keep this from everyone, even Seri. She knows some things, but I don’t want any more details leaking out.
I came across worlds with survivors of the First Spawn War, if you can believe it! But they were being ravaged and enslaved by a group of Gek calling themselves The First Spawn again. There were four systems, and with the help of some of the inhabitants and a Vy’keen force, we captured all their bases, and killed all the Gek outside of a few who surrendered. I managed to get some of their sensitive data but it’s too much for me to go through right now. I need you to glean any hard information from these files you can and get back to me with the details. I need to know the facts of these First Spawn wannabees, something we can pass on to a couple of Vy’keen I can trust. These Gek are bad news, and I’m afraid they may be much bigger than a few thousand outlaws.
The contact for those Vy’keen are:
primarch-andonai@urusang (Primarch Andonai, naturally)
nothing@nowhere-ffffff (Troq, a renegade researcher with links to the Travelers)
Use my credentials and say you’re my assistant. And tell me if you come across anything which can help me in my Quest.
Thanks for your help, friend.
~ Nigel
As I was mulling over my next destination, I got the ping of an incoming message. Was it him already? I opened my mailbox, and sure enough it was.
qwertyuio: I have two matters which I need to discuss with you
I was afraid I knew what one of them was, but swallowed my angst and opened the channel, removing my helmet so I could speak. Tesky had set up a pretty robust and low key encryption system so this should be off most radars. “Hey, so what do you want to talk about?”
“Nigel, it is good to hear your voice again. But I must inform you that your wife desires to speak with you much more than I do.”
Damn, there was that pain and guilt again, which gave me pause. “Yeah… I had a feeling that was one of those issues.”
He began hesitantly, “Is there something you would care to divulge?”
“Not right now,” I said flatly.
“Oh… very well. But you should know that your abrupt departure has left Seri in a forlorn state, and she misses you terribly, as does Adjaha. Their spirits are not very high, and there is resentment.”
I wiped my mouth in frustration, as this was something I really didn’t want to get into just then. “Tesky, I know… I just… things got very complicated, and I’d rather talk about that, and your second matter, unless it’s the same thing.”
“I see. I trust you will be more forthcoming in the future. I also see that you have shaved since leaving on your journey.”
I gave him a lopsided smile. I must be the only person in Euclid that shaved. “Yeah, it’s just a hassle to tend to it on the road. Anyway, what was your second topic?”
“This will be quite a change of subject. I have been gathering some bits of information here and there, in small nuggets from all the traffic flowing between systems. The harvest has, by necessity, been a little lean. I have opened your message and the files, and am digesting them even as we speak, and they are related. To the point, this is a much more complex galaxy than I expected when I was liberated to the Infineon II. The image which is coming into focus, literally bit by bit is… at once amazing, exciting and disturbing.”
My adrenaline was beginning to rush at the possibilities, and I asked, “What did you find out?”
“I cannot say for certain, yet—”
I groaned at him, “Tesky…”
“I know, I know, but I wanted to give you a cautionary notice at first, because there are evidently quite a number of clandestine groups operating in the galaxy. And there has been a certain amount of chatter about one or more troublemakers.”
Troublemakers… it wasn’t like I hadn’t made myself a problem to a few groups among the Gek and Vy’keen, Pirates… The Black Hand of Nal? Maybe Korvax too for all I knew. How many toes had I stepped on in the course of my Walk? “Travelers?”
“There has been mention of Travelers, yes. So far, nothing sounded threatening towards you in particular, yet, and I have only limited traffic to go by as I must be discreet in my searches, but I wanted you to be aware.”
I gave him a sour look. “I appreciate the heads up, but please tell me you have something more.”
“Not that I can present at this time—”
I groaned at him again, “Tesky…”
“I know, I know, but an incomplete assessment can be a misleading one. For now, I suggest you continue your Quest as before. You might do well to read over your diary, which I took the liberty of digesting as well. I must say, it is a fascinating read. I have collected some pertinent excerpts and will send them in a subsequent mail to save time. Your dream during your stay aboard the Anomaly was… intriguing, to say the least, perhaps even a bit… well, as you would say, it’s something.”
I had been thinking of that myself off and on, but the way he put it grabbed my attention. “Yeah, I think I’ll do that at some point. But what about those First Spawn pretenders… what do you know about them? Those guys are freaking slavers!”
“Yes, and you have given me a lot of information to fill in many blanks, for what has been mostly rumor to date. Now, my knowledge is still sketchy at best, even with these files, but apparently the Vy’keen have become aware of Gek activity they have taken as potentially hostile, and begun to plan for, and are engaged in, very limited military actions with them. Apparently they don’t want to arouse suspicions.”
This was frustrating too. “Do you have any word of these Gek invading other systems to capture slaves and establish more bases?”
“Not really. The Gek in question are quite circumspect; information outside of the local hubs is isolated from the others, and The Plan of theirs isn’t detailed, as if it is common knowledge. The Three Races are all engaged in a certain amount of expansion, particularly the Gek and Vy’keen. There has been no news of new races being found, save for the usual fauna of wild planets. The discovery of people who survived since the Great War would cause quite a stir, particularly among my people. But it might be a good idea to send off those messages to your friends to see what they may know or uncover about this matter. I might also suggest that you do this yourself.”
“Yeah… I know, but I really don’t want to deal with anything right now but getting on with my Quest. It’s been weeks and I feel like I’m years behind,” I told him. Not to mention, physical effort took my mind off certain things better. “Is there anything else you’d like to say before I head out?”
“Just that I treasure your friendship, and I urge you to take care in everything you do.”
That heartfelt frankness, and from a Korvax soul, made me smile. “Thanks, Tesky, that’s a great send off.”
“One thing more,” he added. “Do let us know how you are doing from time to time. Your wife in particular would enjoy knowing something.”
Doing my best to sound guiltless, I replied, “Yeah, I’ll try to do better on that. Keep me posted too.”
“Will do, friend Nigel. Happy hunting, and good fortune.”
As we signed off, his melancholy tone reflected my own, for obvious reasons. When would I feel comfortable speaking to the girls again… my wife? Less guilty?
With the ping of a new message, I made sure it was from Tesky before I opened it, and found those selections from my diary. And while it was good to refresh my memory of my experiences as I browsed, it only left me hungry for more. My knowledge of Euclid and its history was woefully incomplete. I quit and consulted the Galactic Encyclopedia again, but this was as frustrating. The Junior Edition, as I called it, was too basic, but delving into the deep end, written mostly by Korvax scholars and sages, was dense and difficult to pick through. Searching for “Ancients, planets” yielded highly speculative rather than definite results. The general racial topology of the Euclid galaxy held that, of the Three Races and the Ancients, the Gek were located more towards the center, the Vy’keen the outer half, the Ancients strewn through the middle, and the Korvax sprinkled lightly all over. “Cities of the Ancients” mostly brought up social and technical entries as far as I could tell, and the few mentions of planets didn’t yield any locations correlating to my Galactic Map. How much had the history and naming of the countless star systems changed over the millennia, and all those Resets? And more, what the hell was ATLAS doing, and why? Whatever wisdom the Korvax held with their Equation of Life, they were keeping it to themselves.
Grumping, I closed the Encyclopedia and turned back to my system lists. I was still more than a hundred thousand light years from the middle region which the Ancients called home. There were prospective worlds not too far off, but I had a feeling that I needed something big to add a substantial piece to the puzzle. A hunch had led me to the void holding K’tarsgh’s world, and Seri. Hopefully my knack wouldn’t lead me to another damsel in distress, I’d had quite enough of those. Pirates too. There was one system at the extent of my jump range which was towards the center of Euclid… why not?
A short time later, I arrived at Eyrustir. Five planets were in orbit, and while the others were cold, broiling or toxic, one looked hospitable. Named Kehava, it was a lush world, and had a curious notation of salvageable scrap. I had come across this entry before but hadn’t paid it any mind. Maybe this was a good time to look into it, and get my mind off of two girls haunting my thoughts. I was disappointed that nothing of note came up on the scan, not even a Trading Post, but this is where my knacky nose had led me.